Don’t Take Anything Personally — Not Even Compliments

Why Words Matter More Than We Think

Have you ever noticed how a single sentence—spoken by someone else or whispered by your own mind—can change the course of your day, or even your life? For those of us healing from PMDD, trauma, or toxic relationships, the words we carry inside are often the most powerful “spells” we’ll ever encounter.

This week on the Her Shift Podcast, I’m diving into The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, focusing on the game-changing wisdom: Don’t take anything personally—not even compliments. Let’s break down why this is so radical, and how it can help you reclaim your self-worth, rewrite your story, and finally speak to yourself with compassion.

The Four Agreements & The Power of Words

The first agreement—be impeccable with your word—reminds us that language is more than communication. Words can heal or harm, build up or break down. If you grew up with narcissistic abuse, people-pleasing patterns, or constant criticism, you know how these “word spells” become the soundtrack of your inner world.

But here’s the twist: not only should we avoid taking criticism personally, we shouldn’t take compliments personally either. Both are reflections of the other person’s lens, not your truth.

Why We Internalise Other People’s Words

• Modelled behaviour: We learn how to speak to ourselves by watching how others speak to us.

• People-pleasing & survival: For many women (especially those with PMDD or trauma), self-worth was tied to meeting others’ expectations.

• Inherited shame: When you’re told you’re “too much,” “too emotional,” or “never enough,” those phrases become part of your belief system.

Key Truth:

A child’s “bad behaviour” is often just them trying to be themselves in a world that punished honesty.

Compliments Are Not Your Identity

It’s tempting to cling to praise, especially if criticism was your norm. But both approval and disapproval are about the giver’s perspective, not your inherent worth. True healing comes when you can accept love and kindness without depending on them for validation.

“If words can destroy a soul, they can also rebuild one.”

Healing Means Rewriting Your Inner Narrative

• Notice the old “spells”: What phrases do you still carry that aren’t yours?

• Speak to yourself like a friend: What would you say to someone you love who’s struggling?

• Start small: Even shifting one sentence—from “I’m a mess” to “I’m rising through the rubble”—can change everything.

Reflection & Journal Prompts

• What’s one sentence you heard growing up that still haunts your self-image?

• What truth could you replace it with today?

• How do you speak to yourself when you’re struggling?

(Tip: No need for perfect sentences. Bullet points, doodles, or a five-minute timer can help you get started.)

Honour Your Survival Strategies

Every coping mechanism—people-pleasing, over-functioning, hiding—was a survival strategy, not a flaw. Healing isn’t about punishing yourself into change; it’s about honouring who you’ve been and gently choosing a new way forward.

Ready to Shift?

If you’re navigating PMDD, healing from trauma, or tired of living by someone else’s words, you’re not alone. Subscribe for more trauma-informed healing, free resources, and honest conversations. Join our community on Instagram @theannapr and check out the Her Shift Podcast for more support.

Call to Action

What’s one belief or phrase you’re ready to let go of? Share in the comments, tag me on Instagram, or join The Room for ongoing support.

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